This time of the year has become a time of contemplation and thanksgiving for me. It’s when I spend a lot of time reflecting on life, remembering the sweet miracle given to me on May 25, 2020, wondering what a second transplant might be like, and considering what will happen even if healing doesn’t come.

My 2020 Situation

Two years ago, I was lying in a hospital room, wondering what was causing my severe breathlessness. The doctors feverishly worked to find answers, yet my lung function worsened. Multiple tests showed my illness wasn’t Covid and the battery of treatments I was given had no effect. Everyone around me was as baffled as I was.

On April 30, 2020, I was put on a ventilator. Within a few short hours, John would be notified by the medical team that I needed to be on ECMO and that physicians weren’t sure I would make it through the night. But, praise Jesus, I did!

While on life support, doctors and nurses fought to keep me alive. Emergency surgeries took place in my room because I was too fragile to be moved to the OR. And after nearly two weeks on life support, it became clear the only solution would be a double-lung transplant.

I was taken by life flight to Duke Hospital on May 12. And on May 25, I received my life-saving organs.

Rejection Sets In

After my transplant and several weeks of daunting rehabilitation, I began to have hope that I could return to a somewhat normal life. I was getting stronger again. I even went on a hiking trip to the mountains with my best friends. But unfortunately, a year after receiving my new lungs, my body began to reject them, and another battle began.

As of now, John and I travel to Duke twice a month so I can receive treatment that has been proven to control rejection. At this point, it’s working, but there are no long-term guarantees, and a second transplant isn’t out of the question.

Healing Hasn’t Happened

I’m still trying to process what lies before me.

Before my illness, I hadn’t been exposed to the transplant world. I didn’t know anyone who was a transplant recipient personally, and I had no clue what life after a transplant even looked like.

It didn’t take long to realize transplants are like bandages. They hold things together, but they aren’t the cure. The only way to be cured is to receive a miracle of healing.

God gave me a miracle of life through organ donation in 2020, but He didn’t fully restore my body. I’m still coming to terms with that. There are days with a lot of grieving. I miss the body I once had. I don’t like taking handfuls of medications multiple times every day. I long to be in the sun and help John in the yard. I yearn to be around people without being worried about germs. I want to be fearless again, even careless sometimes.

I want to be healed! I pray for it, and I believe it can happen, but it hasn’t yet.

Are You Waiting, too?

I know God is aware of my desires. I’ve told him. Sometimes nicely and other times through frustration and anger. I’ve sat on the floor in my closet, my head in my hands, and begged Him to hear me. To change my situation and give me back my health.

But what if healing isn’t in God’s plan? What if He just wants my gratitude for the life I’m leading right now, for life itself? Will I continue to use my story to share Jesus’ love with the world? Will I accept that His plan is better than mine could ever be?

Isaiah 55: 8-9 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Am I alone? Is there anyone else out there who feels this way? Are you waiting, too?

Maybe you’re waiting for healing for yourself or for someone you love. Or it could be that you’re dealing with another kind of significant change in your life.

I will urge us both to reflect on the blessings in our lives.

I know! It’s not always easy to see the good. If you’re struggling to find anything to be thankful for today, it’s okay.

Hey, we’ve all been there!

Might I suggest that you start by acknowledging that you’ve been given another day on this earth? And if that’s all the good you can see right now, cling to it. But don’t stop searching. Ask God to reveal more. I promise He’ll show you His goodness when you’re actively looking for it.

I Choose “Yes”

When I take a step back and look beyond what I think my life should look like, I see the good. That frees me to say “yes” to whatever God calls me to do. And I’ll continue to acknowledge my blessings and find ways to share them with others.

Even if healing doesn’t come.

As you would suspect, there’s much more to my story, and I’ll be sharing it with you in detail in the future. Stay tuned for more on that!! But for now, you can head over to my “More About Me” page if you’d like to know more.

Check out my new 7-day devotional, Praise Him Through the Tough Stuff. Available on Amazon!