Sixteen. That’s how many scars I see daily. There are others; smaller and less prominent. But these sixteen are the ones I notice the most often. Each has its own story to tell, and I’m learning to embrace them for what they stand for.  

Two scars in my groin area indicate ECMO was hard at work on the most critical days. Four more on each side of my torso and one directly in the middle mark where chest tubes used for drainage protruded from my body. On my mid-right chest, another is evidence of a procedure for releasing excessive air and blood. Near my left collar bone is where ECMO was moved when I arrived at Duke Hospital. One on my neck’s right side shows where an arterial line for monitoring my blood pressure and drawing blood was placed. Around this particular scar are many other imperfections caused by weeks of bandage changes on profoundly fragile skin. 

The Two That Capture My Attention

The final two scars are the ones that draw my attention the most. I don’t particularly like seeing them. Yet, at the same time, I gaze at them with overwhelming gratitude for the role each one plays in my life story.

The deep marking on the front of my neck is where a tracheostomy was inserted. This scar is a reminder of the oxygen provided when my lungs couldn’t function without help. 

And finally, the clamshell scar that begins on one side of my body and extends across my chest to the other side. It denotes a very skilled surgeon entering and replacing my destroyed lungs with a perfect, gifted pair. It also leads me to recall the seventy-one staples that held my body closed while healing took place. I look at this scar with disappointment because of what I have lost. But I also gaze at it with reverence, overcome with an awareness of God’s mercies. The provision of a second chance at life.

Physical Scars

As you read about my physical scars, you might have noticed a hint of emotions behind my words. You see, physical wounds heal, but the emotional scars from those wounds can continue to cause pain long after the healing. They tend to bring back the memories of the events that caused the scarring. 

Dealing with physical discomfort is relatively straightforward. Dress the wound until it’s closed. After that, there’s typically scar tissue that needs some attention. Massage the scarred area daily to break up that scar tissue. Add a routine moisturizing regimen to keep the scars pliable and help them to fade a bit over time. That’s basically all it takes.

Sure, we may be a little uncomfortable from our physical scars, but for the most part, we get used to them and typically move past them. At the very least, we learn how to live with them.

Even though physical scars heal with time and some loving care, emotional scars bring in more significant concerns. 

Emotional Scars

We tend to try to push emotional scars out of sight. For some reason, we feel ashamed of them. Maybe it’s because we don’t want others to see us as weak or unstable. However, they aren’t a sign of weakness or instability. They’re a result of extraordinarily stressful events that shatter our sense of security, leaving us feeling helpless. They are real, and everyone has them on some level. We shouldn’t be embarrassed or feel inadequate by their existence. 

Emotional scars can be caused by a one-time event, such as an accident or a violent attack. They might also occur when we’re under ongoing stress, like battling a life-threatening illness. They can be created by experiencing the same traumatic event repeatedly, such as bullying or domestic violence. Causes commonly overlooked are the sudden death of a loved one, the end of a significant relationship, or deep disappointment, especially if the act was deliberate. 

We shouldn’t hide from our emotions and pretend they don’t exist. Instead, we need to give them attention like we do physical scars. 

I won’t mislead you into thinking that I have all my emotions under control. I don’t. There are days when my feelings are raw and painful. The tears come less often than they did when I first left the hospital, but they still fall more than I would like. I will continue to acknowledge my emotional scars and give them the attention needed in the healing process.

Dealing with Emotional Scars

Emotional scars can last a few days, or they might linger for years. There are some practical ways to deal with them. Some of these recommendations might be easier than others; nonetheless, they are all well worth the effort. 

One of my favorite expressions is, “If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you.” I hope you’ll keep those words in mind as you contemplate putting these suggestions into action. 

Get moving 

If you’ve known me for even a short period of time, you know I recommend movement a lot. That’s because our bodies were created to be in motion. It truly helps. 

Trauma disrupts our bodies’ natural equilibrium, freezing us in fear. As well as burning off adrenaline and releasing endorphins, exercise and activity can actually help repair our nervous systems. 

Start simple and progress as your body adjusts to the changes.  

Here are a few great starting points: 

• Intentionally move your body for 30 minutes or more on most days. 
• Add rhythmic movement such as walking, running, swimming, or dancing. 
• Be mindful of the physical aspect of your exercise to take your mind off your emotions. Notice your feet hitting the ground with each step. Be aware of how your body feels in every movement. 

Prayer and Meditation

Spending time in prayer and meditation.  

While doing so: 

• Focus on each breath you take. Inhaling through the nose and out through the mouth. 
• Acknowledge your thoughts and emotions. Don’t push them away, but don’t hold on to them. Open your hands and release them.
• Give your hurts over to God. As a loving Father, He will always be willing to take them from you. 

Take Care of Your Health

Being healthy is a game-changer. I urge you to make this a priority immediately. 

Begin with the following:

• Get plenty of quality sleep. Aim for 7-9 hours each night. If you’re having trouble sleeping, talk with your doctor about your options. 
• Eat a well-balanced diet. Healthy nutrition will increase your energy and help you focus. 
• Avoid using alcohol and drugs as a way to escape. They can increase feelings of anxiety, depression, and isolation.  
• Avoid sugar and fried foods as much as possible. 
• Eat plenty of omega-3 rich foods such as salmon, walnuts, or flax seeds.

Don’t Isolate

Of course, this one is tough right now due to the pandemic (which, by the way, could be the cause of some emotional trauma), but try your best. 

• Interact with others. If you can’t be with your friends physically, connect with them on video or phone calls. 
• Get out of bed every day and be present in your life. Work to have as much normalcy as possible.
• Join a support group. Connecting with others who are facing the same or similar experiences can help your own healing. 

Seek Counsel 

Sometimes self-help isn’t enough. If you’re struggling to move past your emotional scars, it’s time to seek professional help. Trauma impacts us profoundly and having the guidance of a reputable therapist can help the healing process.  

This article by Psychology Today addresses what to look for in a therapist who specializes in trauma. 

If you’re not ready to speak with a counselor, consider reaching out to your pastor or a mentor you trust. 

You don’t have to face your hurts alone. 

In Closing: Using Our Scars

I’ve heard it said that scars are just tattoos with better stories. I’ve found that to be the case with my scars— physical and emotional. They tell the story of the seasons of my life. They allow me to share my loving God and the saving grace of Jesus to those who may not know. My scars open doors for me to speak to others about loss, disappointment, forgiveness, and healing.

Do you have scars that you could use to help others? What’s holding you back?

Share your comments below or contact me directly. I would love to talk to you about sharing your story.